Body.

You're the empty city streets, and I can't see you...

Sometimes it feels like, you don't have a body

Hello, again.

(That's the fountain on the Burj Khalifa drive-way, at 3 am on a Thursday night through a Canon 550D)

Its been a while since I've written anything. That's probably just an indication that I don't really give a shit anymore. No, not about writing. I meant about feeling emotions, and all that. You've got to get hurt to write, eh? Well, doesn't matter. I write today because I'm happy. And I've got life figured out - for now. Seems alright to me.

I don't know if I am still suffering from that writers' block. Maybe I am. I don't feel the passion. I used to feel it for writing. I feel it for other things now - like photography and food! God, FOOD. I love food. Yes, it'll come back, some day. Until then - I intend to live forever. So far so good. :)

N.

It's FIFA month!

Hey hey, guess who I be supporting? I absolutely love Fifa month. Once in four years. It's amazing. I went to a pub to watch the Arg vs. Kor match, and the energy in there was splendid! Of course, I could only see people in white and blue striped jerseys, and that felt REALLY good. I guess there's one thing that unites us! Also, my mom was really fascinated by how football affects men. She says "Men are never emotional about anything else, but put them in front of a football game and they even CRY". Haha. That's the spirit I guess. I've always loved the world cup. Oh and yes, the vuvuzelas are annoying, really. But I want one!!! :)

Affection. Where does it lead me? Down to my grave. Love is the same like it was before. Nothing has changed. Not my face, neither my name. Not my soul. But you have, haven't you? When was the last time you stopped to notice what you lost. Because you lost it, alright. Because you had what you wanted, and now it's just a replacement of feelings and emotions. And you never imagined something would turn away from you, so you learn to live without it. Why? Well, life screams one thing - move the fuck on!

I remember you, in your times of rage.

You weren't pretty.

You were a monster.

Your ex-lover is DEAD.

My experiments with Light Painting. Always turn out to be so fruitful.

Seeing RED again.

My obsession with Mono colors. Oh I have steady hands. I took this picture without a tripod.

Drunken silences.

I look around.
Twenty years of silence.
I scream out loud.
You think it's violence.
Pity I ever stayed.
Here to be a victim.
To your never ending fairy tale,
Because the world is so pretty.
Draped in this veil.
Of everything predicted.
Of everything settled.
Of everything lustless, and wonderful.
I defy, everything you ever said.
Every road you ever tread,
because I write my name to the sky,
because I dreamed and dared to fly,
The one you never imagined, yes, I...
I'm the one that had nightmares,
because you sang me those lullabies.
But that pitiable time has passed,
you've left me scars I can never forget,
I can only regret,
And I only pray
That you're still trapped
in your fairy land,
Because you'll be safe there,
And imagine me, I still care.
But I'm away from you,
and that's my only fare,
I'd like to banish you,
Forever.

Also for @confuzzledshy: that's me! and i'm obsessed with 'Satellite Heart' haha. So there ya go! I hate the twilight movies, BUT, I always love their soundtracks!! :)

"He loves me not, He loves me still, but he'll never love again" - Metallica

You asked me not to scream.

I was screaming, i was breathing hard,
I was running through the longest yard.
I had a feeling i couldnt make it
but your hand was tight around my mouth,
and you asked me not to scream.
I made it through,
I walked on by,
without getting hurt again,
All of you was true,
I could see you standing there,
All i could do was - in your eyes stare.
When you said a word, you sounded so clear,
like everything would fade away, even my fears.
I tried to stay focused, but you were so near
And in my eyes was an ocean of tears.
But then you turned away,
and with a little sigh,
you walked away from me,
without saying goodbye,
But as it all sank in,
It was a hurtful thing,
I began again, screaming.
And then i woke up sweating on my bed,
I was dreaming.

©Nicky

"Love is all you need" - The Beatles

... not quite.

"That cat's something I can't explain." - Pink Floyd

I miss my baby :(
Love you always & forever.

"Lights will guide you home, and ignite your bones, and I will try to fix you" - Coldplay

This one is for @confuzzledshy. Lowe you.

"I'll walk you to your car, and we can talk it out in the rain" - The Fray

Clear liquor and cloudy eyes

Music. Yes, that's what I've lived for. Remember? I used to listen to Floyd for hours before I slept. Maybe I developed insomnia because I could never really fall asleep without music. The sound of music. In the darkness. I couldn't help but feel One.
But, its changed. Hasn't it? Music. Now we sing about 'disco sticks' and 'china dolls'. I wouldn't say that music has lost its meaning. Maybe its essence. People still feel emotions, and express them through music, but I can't help but feel that its way too commercial. Oh, don't get me wrong, I love Lady GaGa. Its all good, the postmodernist feel, the untimely beats, the weird lyrical content. Yes, its all good. But its never like Floyd. It's never like the Beatles. Nothing like Wilson's Porcupine Tree or Blackfield. Nothing to make you feel at peace. Its chaos, now.
Its all about noise, now. All about ratings, now. All about money, labels, records now. It was about getting high before, well, I would say that is way postmodernistic than now. See, isn't it all non-chronological. Time is, well, not in sequence. Or maybe I think so, because my brain is too fuzzy to think right now.

But I have a theory. That we never do live our life in sequence. It's just a playback of memories, shown to us like we're living each day in accordance to the day of the week, the date of the month, and the year of the calender. Like the matrix. The matrix is awesome, and we, living in this world, should be equally confused about reality, and yet there are some people who are so aware of reality like it exists.

And thats my line of thought, I don't care if I deviate from one subject to another, that's how I roll. Deal with it.

Conclusion: I like music and postmodernism, and I could talk to you about it for ages you know. Unfortunately, I haven't found many people who 'think' much. They're just wasting their lives away... and that's more than just a pity.

"Look whose laughing now that you've wasted so many years, and you've barely even tasted" - Jack Johnson

For all of you who thought that gun was for me to kill myself. Na-uh. It was so that I could shoot every bothersome person in my life. However, now I'm more inclined to thinking that people are bothersome only because I make them to be. So, I'm going to work on that and make them less bothersome, or not bothersome at all.

I told you. I believe in miracles.
But today, I was THIS close to believing in GOD! Maybe I still am, but I lost my last piece of hope. My mind is still alert. But I'm dazed, and the only thing I still know is that I believe in miracles.

I know I can really depress you right now. If I had to. I know I could tell you about what happened, and the intensity of it, but it could never hit you like it hit me! Shyaire's words just always ring a bell "You gotta get HURT to write"... that's exactly what I'm doing. I'm not complaining. I just can't believe it.
It'll pass, I'll get over it. With the help of a lot of alcohol, a lot of cigarettes. These guys know their business... misery loves company.

Oh, this is it. Everytime someone walks away like this. "I'm going".
I'm on my way too. This is bullshit.
I wish I had a gun. (:

And I start again...

......Talking about amends… if it hadn’t been for ‘someone’ asking me to speak my feelings out loud, and a fellow writer and friend talking to me, I probably wouldn’t have written today. And of course, music. Music ‘grinds my gears’. Yes, it is the single most inspiring thing on the planet. Inspiration, according to a friend of mine, doesn’t come from sitting at a beach in tranquility… she says, ‘you gotta get HURT to write… and if you start once, you should never stop’. I agree with her to some extent... Other people, just like to talk and talk and talk. And when it’s just not enough to talk to all the people within their reach, they write about what they think, because apparently there’s nothing better than thinking out loud, it makes life easier, and you have no loyalties to anyone, whatsoever.


....In my two decades of being alive, I have definitely found my soul to be incomplete and restless, most of the time… the only time I actually felt like I couldn’t be more complete was one night at a concert for my favorite band. How interesting it is, that everything comes down to music! It makes one feel content. And I had other things going on in life that made me content. But real contentedness comes from within, if you know who you are, you can take on any situation and any hurdle in life, and all you’ll feel is a limited amount of sorrow, because you believe in yourself, you know who you are, and you know that life is never about happiness. People believe that ‘happiness is a mat that sits on their doorway’… well, grief doesn’t even bother to knock.

Like my best friend said to me, and always believed, and really got me to believe, that life is about the journey, you look back, and you laugh about it… the silly little things that made you so sad while you were at them… It’s about the memory that you create, its about the fun you had, its about the hurdles you crossed, that made you the person you are today…

In all of this, I’d like to ask of you one thing, and one thing only. And that would be to take on life… and smile, like you mean it. And mean it too.

And in all of this, in the two decades, but more importantly the last decade of my life, I only get to know myself better each time I’m thrown into the deep end… and self actualization is where I am headed. I’d be lucky if I found it before I died… but yes, it’s the journey that counts… so here I am, I had stopped. I had taken a break from all the driving… but now, now you can see that car on the highway zoom past ya. That was me, flooring it.