Clear liquor and cloudy eyes

Music. Yes, that's what I've lived for. Remember? I used to listen to Floyd for hours before I slept. Maybe I developed insomnia because I could never really fall asleep without music. The sound of music. In the darkness. I couldn't help but feel One.
But, its changed. Hasn't it? Music. Now we sing about 'disco sticks' and 'china dolls'. I wouldn't say that music has lost its meaning. Maybe its essence. People still feel emotions, and express them through music, but I can't help but feel that its way too commercial. Oh, don't get me wrong, I love Lady GaGa. Its all good, the postmodernist feel, the untimely beats, the weird lyrical content. Yes, its all good. But its never like Floyd. It's never like the Beatles. Nothing like Wilson's Porcupine Tree or Blackfield. Nothing to make you feel at peace. Its chaos, now.
Its all about noise, now. All about ratings, now. All about money, labels, records now. It was about getting high before, well, I would say that is way postmodernistic than now. See, isn't it all non-chronological. Time is, well, not in sequence. Or maybe I think so, because my brain is too fuzzy to think right now.

But I have a theory. That we never do live our life in sequence. It's just a playback of memories, shown to us like we're living each day in accordance to the day of the week, the date of the month, and the year of the calender. Like the matrix. The matrix is awesome, and we, living in this world, should be equally confused about reality, and yet there are some people who are so aware of reality like it exists.

And thats my line of thought, I don't care if I deviate from one subject to another, that's how I roll. Deal with it.

Conclusion: I like music and postmodernism, and I could talk to you about it for ages you know. Unfortunately, I haven't found many people who 'think' much. They're just wasting their lives away... and that's more than just a pity.

"Look whose laughing now that you've wasted so many years, and you've barely even tasted" - Jack Johnson

For all of you who thought that gun was for me to kill myself. Na-uh. It was so that I could shoot every bothersome person in my life. However, now I'm more inclined to thinking that people are bothersome only because I make them to be. So, I'm going to work on that and make them less bothersome, or not bothersome at all.

I told you. I believe in miracles.
But today, I was THIS close to believing in GOD! Maybe I still am, but I lost my last piece of hope. My mind is still alert. But I'm dazed, and the only thing I still know is that I believe in miracles.

I know I can really depress you right now. If I had to. I know I could tell you about what happened, and the intensity of it, but it could never hit you like it hit me! Shyaire's words just always ring a bell "You gotta get HURT to write"... that's exactly what I'm doing. I'm not complaining. I just can't believe it.
It'll pass, I'll get over it. With the help of a lot of alcohol, a lot of cigarettes. These guys know their business... misery loves company.

Oh, this is it. Everytime someone walks away like this. "I'm going".
I'm on my way too. This is bullshit.
I wish I had a gun. (: